doodle

I think it's been way too long since the last time I've painted something. Haven't had the heart or will too really. But hey, a doodle's a good start.

Mine are bigger than yours.

A bit late. Oh well. This is me attempting to be badass. With sunglasses that are bigger than yours.

Anyhoo, I think this also happens to double while expressing my anti-social mood, all dark colors, plain...and especially these robo-cop sunglasses. Bright shoes though...just because I don't think I could handle an all black outfit and was in some desperate need of color. Plus, having that anti-social moment, I'd much rather you focus on my feet than my face. ...Makes sense, right?

Theater.

What is the social stigma against being alone?

Tonight, I had an entire theatre to myself. Tuesday night, understandable and almost expected. But after this crazy week of being alone, I think I had a strange epiphany whilst sitting in that theatre all by myself. It was like the epitome of being alone. Sloughing through civilian life while feeling like shit and feeling alone is completely different than feeling alone and being completely physically literally alone. Especially in a place where there are usually so many people.

The theatre.

And only me.


It was a little surreal. Dark, dingy. Just me. Alone. A whole ambiance came alive in that room. The silence emphasizing my thoughts. A part of me reached for the phone and wanted to call someone, to fill this...this...alone-ness (not loneliness). But...the silence took over, and I put the phone away, and got comfortable as I could in this empty theatre. Sat, leaned back and was myself. Not what I was feeling before I entered the theatre. Not the frustration, the sadness, the confusion, or the damn longing. Just me.

What does it matter?

It doesn't matter anymore.

maiden

Still been feeling weird lately. So I drew some stuff. I plan for this to be part of a triptych series of...oil/acrylic on canvas perhaps. Hopefully I stick to it and pull it off.

05_06_10

...My new favorite sweater. It reminds me of a doily, and I wear it feeling like a grandmama. A slutty one at that, with short shorts and sheer tights. Hahaha. It's got these scalloped edges that are kind of completely awesome, and is actually very..."holey" and good for warm weather. The gentlest of breezes can blow by and I can feel it through this sweater.

Sound

Melting and feeling to music when I can't afford to...bliss. I think this is where I finally make my decision between vision and hearing, that if it came down to it, I would rather be able to hear than see. Despite not being able to draw and drink in all the beautiful things...I realize that no matter how beautiful something may be, nothing so beautiful can affect me as a good song can. No painting or sculpture can draw me in so well, no beautiful landscape can bring me as much peace as an enchanting music. Nothing can cast me under such a heavy spell as the feeling of the human voice.

Daily doodle thang. Random jacket design???
I really haven't a clue.

.

Right now, I'm stuck in a writer's block for my Creative Writing class. The assignment is to write a short story, but I'm at a loss as to what topic to even use. I realize that most of the inspiration/motivation for me start a drawing is to create and convey sort sort of feeling or space. It's safe to say that I do the same in my writing. But now I'm truly at a loss of what to write about. I suppose I'm too distracted by the aspects of my future and simply nothing comes to mind of what I want to convey. What do I want to convey to the reader? What do I want them to feel?

Hell, how do I even feel? What do I want? What do I feel?


Blah. I think I'll end up rewatching Miyazaki's 'Castle in the Sky' for the sake of some sort of creative stimulation. Best of luck to myself and everybody else out there working toward finding what they want in life.

Great Weather makes a great outing.

A rare diary entry for once about what I did today:
The weather today was FANTASTIC; sunny, warm, windy to cool you off, and I am so glad that I'd been outside for the majority of the day with some friends. My day started early around 7:30 in the morning, where a failed attempt at going to shoot some arrows at an archery center in Pasadena failed and turned into a morning with dim sum (which I haven't had in AGES, and was nice to have), then off to the Getty Center (with the pristine white of every surface GLEAMING IN THE SUNLIGHT, and the fantastic chill in the air from the wind) was brilliant. Pretty plants (yes, cacti and general desert species can be pretty), and beauuutiful paintings was a sight for mine sore eyes. God, beautiful paintings. I am sure that I am not the only one who is rendered in a quiet silent awe whenever looking at them.

Then after, we hit Santa Monica beach for a quick visit. A curious thing that occurred at the beach. The the shoreline was covered in ladybugs! After a little research, I found that this actually does happen from time to time, as the ladybugs travel according to a certain wind current, and if that current happens to lead to the shoreline...then the ladybugs get blown in and simply run out of land. =/ So that explains all the lady bugs. My friend rescued approximately five ladybugs and resumed talking out loud to them and looking like a hallucinating lunatic. I rescued one very very very chill ladybug (that I named Eduardo) that rested on the same spot on my hand for a good ten minutes or so before we had to leave. I plucked him off and placed him on a fence a good deal farther away from the shoreline and wished him the best of luck before departing.

Everything was impromptu, so I barely managed a chance to grab a pair of shorts to change into on the way, and much less, shave my legs for the utterly random beach visitation. Haha, but I promise that I do shave my legs. And to not traumatize anymore innocent passerby's in the future.